Top Five: Mourning the End of Discovery Channel’s Shark Week

Amanda Kirkham

Shark Week is over but have no fear. I’m here to give you something to hold you over until next year. This week I cover the Top Five Shark Movies (bet you can guess #1).

5. Sharktopus (2010)

While not technically all shark, Sharktopus still has the most important part of a shark’s body. He (she?) has the killer jaws (the better to rip apart human bodies)! Plus, the octopus tentacles make it easy to invade land for more tasty treats. The SyFy Channel isn’t known for it’s cinematic masterpieces so if you’re looking for that, you’re in the wrong place. They’re all about the camp, bad acting and terrible CG. It’s best to just go with it and enjoy the over-the-top attacks.

Best Kill: Food on a string. Sharktopus nabs a snack as a bungee jumper takes a dive.

4. Shark Night 3D (2011)

College kids go to the lake for a fun weekend. The last thing they expect is to be attacked by man-eating sharks! This is another craptastic film that’s meant to be enjoyed for it’s pure nonsense. Director David R. Ellis even wanted to keep it titled, “Untitled 3D Shark Thriller” (the studio canned that). That should give you an idea of how seriously the filmmakers took the content. Whatever issues it may have, it makes up for with its self-ridiculing tone.

Best Kill: Jet ski surprise attack. While trying to rescue Malik, a great white breaches (jumps out of the water) straight at the camera and swallows Blake in one bite (also best use of 3D).

3. Bait (2012)

This film was better than it needed to be. The setup: after a tsunami hits Australia, shoppers trapped in a supermarket discover they aren’t alone. An unknown number of sharks have been washed into their location due to flooding. Even though the story sounds ridiculous and the CG isn’t perfect, you still get a solid action flick with characters you actually care about. Plus, any excuse to watch a film with awesome shark attacks is worthy in my mind.

Best Kill: In an attempt to escape, Jessup dangles from a vent and is bitten in half.

2. Deep Blue Sea (1999)

Scientists on a floating asylum have to survive after the sharks they’re working on flood it. Samuel L. Jackson represents the money and is visiting for the weekend when a combination of a bad storm and super smart sharks create for an exciting action flick. Don’t worry too much about making sense of the plot. This film is filled with creative attacks and throw-away lines that are almost too good to be in such a goofy movie.

Best Kill: Samuel L. Jackson eats it. The only well-known actor in the film goes into this heroic speech only to get eaten halfway through (no one expected that). I think everyone in the theater jumped three feet when I saw this oh so many years ago.

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1. Jaws (1975)

Surprise! C’mon, you saw that coming a mile away. The only reason I’m obsessed with Shark Week is because of Jaws. It initiated the fear and fascination within me. I’ve already mentioned it in two other posts (if you haven’t figured out yet, I think it is the greatest movie ever because really it is) so I won’t say any more than that but I will leave you with this clip.

Best Kill: Quint is devoured. Quint’s tragic story comes to a close as the creature he has spent a lifetime hunting finally takes him down in fantastically violent fashion.

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