An Open Letter to…Orange is the New Black

Orange is the New Black is gaining critical acclaim as a new Netflix Original Series and is rapidly becoming one of the best shows on television. To pass the time whilst I PAINFULLY wait for the second season to start, I wrote an open letter to the famed series for you to enjoy.

Dear Orange is the New Black,

You are so wonderful. So so so wonderful in all your khaki scrub glory. That being said, HOW DARE YOU? How dare you be such a hilarious, relatable, heartfelt, dramatic, shocking, and AWESOME TV show that is so freaking good I finished you in two days. TWO DAYS. That’s insane. I don’t do that. I don’t finish seasons of television with hour long episodes in two days. That’s a big deal my friend; you clearly know what you’re doing. I mean, not only are you a really awesome TV show, you’re a really awesome TV show whose cast is almost entirely comprised of women. THAT RULES. It’s not common that you see a cast made up of mostly women, and kick-a$$ women at that. You’ve figured out the formula of having these hard hitting female characters that each have their own story while also peppering in male characters that are just as messed up as the rest of them, if not more. It’s such a wonderful dynamic that isn’t seen often in television and I appreciate that.

Even though this show is female centric and I A-FREAKING-DORE every single character, I think one of my favorites is George ‘Pornstache’ Mendez played by an extremely well known Broadway actor, Pablo Schreiber. You turned a super sexy, well spoken, intelligent gentlemen into a sexually harassing, obscene, moronic mustached a$$hole who preys on the naive, vulnerable female inmates. He’s so disgusting but also SO GOOD (at being disgusting, obvi). There’s something to be said about creating these characters that you truly despise but are so crucial to the story being told. I also find it fascinating that by the end of season one, you’ve basically made me hate Piper. She’s made bad decision after bad decision after bad freaking decision. I LOVE IT. Making the protagonist of a TV show easily one of the most hated characters is a gigantic risk to take but can pay off if you do it right, and oh you have OITNB, you so have.

I have no idea when season two is supposed to be up on Netflix but you have made me ACHE with anticipation for it. To end the first season on such a low note and a cliffhanger at that is just straight up RUDE. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME??? I mean, it’s gonna be extra hard for me to wait too because I HATE Pennsatucky and I’m pretty happy that she got what was coming to her and that Piper finally freaking stood up for herself and showed some emotion. I feel like Piper is just floating around like a bored ghost half the time and THAT IS NOT ENTERTAINING, PIPES. My theory however is that Tucky is definitely not dead because she is way too good of a character to kill off THAT easily. But Piper will probably look like more of a threat to the rest of the inmates now which will maybe work in her favor. I don’t know, these are just my desperate attempts at keeping myself occupied until season two rolls around. I will be here drowning myself in white wine and Girl Scout cookies until that damn second season premieres.

I guess all there is left for me to do is wait, rewatch season one, and have nightmares about Crazy Eyes peeing on my floor in the middle of the night.

All my incarcerated love,

Playa Fray (prison name)

Fraisia W. Logan (street name)


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