The Little Mermaid: Diamond Edition made its Blu-Ray debut this month (FINALLY) and to pay tribute, I’ve written an open letter to my childhood drug of choice: Disney movies!
Dear Disney Movies,
What is it about you that makes you so special? Excuse me, let me rephrase that: what is it about you that makes you so ADDICTIVE? The first week I bought Wreck-It Ralph, I watched it three times. I definitely watched Cinderella at least five times in a row when it came out on video. It took me months to finally get Tangled on DVD but when I did, you know what I was doing for days on end. What I’m trying to say here is that you know what you’re doing. With your adorable talking animals and your catchy freaking songs and your bright colors and your completely arbitrary but somehow still endearing story lines, you’ve got the formula down pat. The Fox and the Hound was the first movie that ever made me cry. I was four. I didn’t even know movies could do that to you at that age. I felt all these feels and was somehow extremely offended and SWORE THE FOX AND THE HOUND OFF EVER SINCE SO LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT IT OKAY??
Disney, you got some sweet a$$ tricks. You went and called up Steve Jobs and bought Pixar which resulted in some of my favorite movies of all time. OF ALL TIME. That’s some serious sh*t right there. Who knew that an adorable little trash compacting, eeee-VAAA wailing, “Hello Dolly!” singing robot (I’m talking about Wall-E guys, duhz) could make me cry some of the hardest tears since you-know-when (The Fox and the Hound incident, REMEMBER?). That adorable little robot dude is what keeps me coming back for more.
But what happened with Cars 2, guys? I mean, you really dropped the ball on that one. And Brave? UGH. Yeah I get that like everyone loved it and I get that it won an Oscar (Wreck-It Ralph was CLEARLY robbed) and I get that she’s Scottish (who can resist those saucy Scots?) but honestly, that shiz was weak. Maybe if you had spent less time on her giant fire mane and more time on the storyline, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. Look, let’s just think back to when you made the Pixar masterpiece Finding Nemo (my personal fave) and regroup. Then maybe we won’t have to have this talk again.
But mark my words, if Finding Dory is not some brilliant sh*t, I might just have to swear you off forever.*
*Let’s be real, probs not but I like to be dramatic.
Disney, you are engraved on my heart and I will probably never quit you but, let’s step it up a bit yeah?
My ever animated love,
Fraisia W. Logan
Check out The Little Mermaid Sing-a-long we put together at Disneyland and make sure to grab your Diamond Edition of The Little Mermaid on Blu-Ray at a store near you!