Thor: The Dark World hits theaters today! I’m just mildly obsessed with superhero movies so, I’m pretty pumped that this day has finally arrived. To celebrate the arrival of this insanely anticipated film, I’ve written an open letter to our favorite mega-buff Aussie, Chris Hemsworth!
Dear Chris Hemsworth,
MUSCLES. You have a lot of them and I like them. Moving on, I like you Chris, I do. You’re a pretty great actor and you’re Australian and you have muscles and you are not bad to look at and you have an accent and a cute baby so, I think we can all agree that you’re pretty great. Okay enough objectifying (for now…). Chris, you are one cool dude. I was first introduced to you when I saw Thor, although I knew of you initially from Star Trek. I feel like you haven’t done as many projects here in the US as you have in Australia and frankly, I am OUTRAGED. How dare you let Australia hoard this beautiful, talented specimen from the rest of us mere mortals?! I’ll forgive you Australia though because you clearly saw the error of your ways and blessed us with another Hemsworth, Liam. We had a bit of debacle with Liam as well, seeing as that saucy wench Miley Cyrus stole him from us for a while but, we got him back. We ALWAYS get them back…woah, I’m already creeping myself out.
Let’s get down to brass tacks Chris, you are actually a good actor. In The Cabin in the Woods, you played a stereotypical douchey jock, but you did it with HEART and that’s all we can ask for. Also, The Cabin in the Woods was a pretty good movie, so props on that in general. You truly shined in Thor though, obvs. The fact that you have managed to carry an entire film franchise on your shoulders as a rather new actor to the US is INSANE and you’ve done it so graciously (all that Aussie blood really makes you a much better person than the rest of us). I really enjoyed it too. Any movie that can combine Shakespearean dialogue with awesome hammer-fighting is a gigantic win in my book. I also love how you played Thor. You gave him a great combination of confusion, strength (both physically and emotionally), and humor. I remember loving that Thor, this dude from another UNIVERSE, is actually super witty and sassy. It’s seriously some of the best sass I’ve seen since Iron Man (that’s high praise coming from me, the Sass Queen, trust me). I can’t wait to see Thor: The Dark World and be greeted immediately with all the classic Thor wit and sass I know and love (also Natalie Portman again, so ‘nuff said). You were equally as amazing in The Avengers, even if you were playing the same character. If that’s not an indication of some serious talent and dedication, I don’t know what is. How do you do it, Chris?!
I do have to bring up this one really awkward subject though… Snow White and The Huntsman. I’m not saying the movie was the worst thing ever but, I just have to be honest with you, it wasn’t the greatest either. But that’s clearly not your fault so I forgive you! You’re acting was great (as always, duhz) and your muscles were really stealing the show (um duhz x2) however, the story was just really lacking. Let’s just hope your SWATH pals can really pull it together for the completely unnecessary sequel, Snow White and The Huntsman 2. I trust that your pure acting talent and charisma will carry the film so let’s hope it won’t be that bad. But when are we going to get a Hemsworth brothers film!? That needs to happen IMMEDIATELY and when it does, I will give ALL THE DOLLARS TO IT. COME ON HOLLYWOOD, DO THIS FOR ME. I NEED THIS.
You’re a cool guy, Chris. Keep having muscles and acting like a champ, and don’t let the haters get you down! Wait, do you even have any haters? If you do, I WILL FIGHT ALL OF THEM TO THE DEATH.
Your significantly less muscular pal,
Fraisia W. Logan