An Open Letter to…Disney Villains

The teaser for Disney’s new villain movie Maleficent was released this week. Did anyone else find Maleficent the most menacing out of all the Disney villains or was it just me? Her name alone is terrifying and she has that face and those HORNS! Truly terrifying. To celebrate finally getting a first look at this new film, I wrote an open letter to Disney villains!

Dear Disney Villains,

You’re so misunderstood, guys. Everyone thinks you’re just inherently evil, that you just like to bully people into giving you things like their voices or their throne or their hair or whatever. But I know that you’re just misunderstood and overcompensating for wanting LOVE. Sometimes you are just like supes evil but, let’s not focus on that right now, yeah? You are definitely some of the best Disney characters around. What would a Disney movie be without a classic Disney villain? NOTHING THAT’S WHAT. Seriously, there’d be no plot, nothing at stake, no excitement! It’s you who keeps us all on edge while we fight for our beloved protagonist to get what they want. Or even sometimes for you to get what you want! It just all depends on how we’re feeling that day. We’re here for you Disney villains!

I have a few favorite Disney villains and they include: Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty), Mother Gothel (Tangled), Queen of Hearts (Alice in Wonderland), Professor Ratigan (The Great Mouse Detective), Scar (The Lion King), Ursula (The Little Mermaid), Hades (Hercules), Gaston, (Beauty & The Beast), Cruella De Vil (101 Dalmatians), and Captain Hook (Peter Pan). There are others that I like as well but these are just a few of my favorites. The key to being an effective villain is to be menacing and scary as all hell. I can say with confidence that Maleficent was easily the most terrifying villain for me when I was kid. First of all, SHE’S GREEN. Like WTF? Any villain that has a completely different skin tone than what we have in real life immediately becomes scarier. This doesn’t apply for a character that isn’t supposed to come off as menacing by the way, because they’re the good guy and by default can be whatever the hell color they want to be. Hades and Ursula are two villains that also have different skin tone colors and yeah, I’d say they’re rather scary too. Maleficent rocks some pretty intense horns and facial features as well. Her eyebrows are so incredibly arched that they alone make her look offensive (eyebrows are EVERYTHING). Her crazy ram/dragon horns are also killer and weird which makes you think there’s not something quite right about Maleficent (oh yeah, it’s the fact that she can turn into a GIANT RAGE DRAGON RANDOMLY). Professor Ratigan will always be a close second scariest Disney villain for me personally because let’s be honest, he’s a rat and he’s got yellow eyes and pointy teeth and a horrible temper. Maleficent and Ratigan could tear a fake Disney town to shreds, leaving no prisoners. Ugh, CREEPY. Let’s just hope that movie never happens.

I’m willing to accept you for who you are Disney villains. You never really badly hurt anyone physically, just emotionally which some would argue is worse but you usually lose in the end so all is forgiven! I think it’s safe to say that while you are definitely evil and really, really scary, you mean well…? Okay, maybe it’s not safe to say that because you most definitely do not mean well. You’re just putting people down to get what you want and that’s kind of messed up. Well, I still think you’re valuable to our universe, Disney villains and without you, we really wouldn’t have any cool or interesting stories to watch on screen. So, keep on scheming evil plans and tricking people into giving you various parts of their person and we’ll be here, continually letting it all happen.

Just no more stealing puppies for their puppy skin, yeah? Cool.

Forever your not-so-evil fan,

Fraisia W. Logan

@fRaisin

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